Iruka's journal
by kitsunegyrl
Summary: A dark and strong Iruka and Naruto fic.AU Minor OOC.Shounen Ai rated for language
1. peace and quiet

1

**Warning: Shonnen Ai and course language**

**Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimo**

Iruka's journal

**It has been another long and grueling day. It started raining this morning and has yet to let up. My beloved students kept falling asleep in the middle of my lectures; And as if that wasn't enough I was once again referred to as ' just a chunnin'. By a certain copy nin whom shall remain nameless. **

**Damn freak...some days I really hate him and TODAY is one of those days !!**

**I can feel myself falling deeper into the depths anger and resentment . I realize how inane it all really is after all I chose to take this undercover mission. **

**I had to save Naruto I couldn't just sit back and idly watch as teacher after teacher failed him and treated him lower than a piece of dirt ...I gave up my hidden identity and solitude to become 'Iruka-sensei' a man both loved and feared by children and adults alike. **

**I also realize that yes I do sometimes tend to prattle on about the importance of safety and teamwork. I only do it for the benefit of my students. **

**Because, I do care enough to NOT want them taking a C-rank mission and have it become an A- rank or worst yet an S-rank mission. Then have their heads full of illusions and fantasy's believing that they are strong enough to take down an S- rank nuke nin. **

**I really do not expect anyone to stand up and applaud the fact that I am a teacher, or that I run the mission room and also take missions ...is a little appreciation to much to ask for ? **

**Maybe so.**

**Anyways I am sitting in the mission room now and once again The Great Copy Nin has graced with his presence and LATE mission report. Not to mention a few smart ass remarks about my rank.**

**Makes me wonder what he would think if he knew that I am also a jounin and hold rank over him? **

**I swear I am ready to end this damn facade and go back where I belong and bring Naruto with me. I know he would a lot happier and could finally drop his mask as well. **

**Hmmm that is something to think about...I have completed my mission so why in the hell am I still sitting here ?**

**Why not do it ? **

_Why not indeed?_

**What else is there to stay here for? **

_What would there be to miss?_

"Ruka-senei whatcha writing so furiously about?" Genma asks trying to peek in to my journal.

" Nothing of any importance." I tell him as I shut my book and put it in my bag.

"Mmmmm" He replies eyeing me and twirling that damn senbon of his. " Wanna go out later and have a drink and talk about it ?" He asks.

"As much as I would like to say yes; I am afraid that I have a lot to do tonight." I tell him as I stretch out and hear my bones start popping and cracking.

" You know I find it really strange as much time as we spend together I don't know a damn thing about you. Other than you are a chunnin, a school teacher and are unofficially the adopted father/brother of Naruto. I want to know you and be your friend ." Genma says as he once again begins eyeing me.

_Since when did any of them give a fiddlers fuck about me?_

" Well, from what you have listed you already know me.. There really isn't much more to tell...Ahh good the third shift has arrived have a nice night Shiranui-san." I say quickly as I grab my bag .

I catch a good look at Genma as I all but run from the room almost knocking down Raidou.

"CALL ME GENMA DAMMIT!!!" I hear Genma yell as I am running down the hall I can feel Genma and Raidou giving chase and I begin snickering. Knowing I can very easily lose them.

I take to the roof tops and run as fast as I can to get home. The only one that is close to me and knows the real me is Naruto and he found out accidently.

00000000000000000000000000000000

Flash back

Six years ago

Naruto's apartment had been severely damaged by a hurricane and I let him stay with me until it got fixed.

All had been going well until he had wanted to play a game of hide and go seek.

Of course it is such an innocent game how could I deny him ?

So I began counting and he hid.

I counted to thirty and took my time searching my apartment. I searched all of the rooms I even made sure to look under the bed. Behind the couch, in the pantry, as well as under all the sinks and checked in the bath tub as well.

In short I looked all OVER the apartment and couldn't find him any where. The only place I hadn't looked was the secret compartment in my closet.

I shake my head no way could he have found it. But, that is the only place I haven't checked and he does know better than to sneak outside after dark.

I make my way back to my bedroom and walk straight to my closet and open the compartment.

I look inside and find him asleep on top of my hunter uniform snuggling with my mask. If the sight wasn't so adorable I may have yelled at him.

I shake my head again and gently scoop him up and carry him to his bed. I pull the blankets back and gently lay him down. I give him a small kiss on his forehead and cover him up.

As I walk back to my bedroom my mind is in turmoil. No one is to know my true identity. If someone were to find out they are to be immediately terminated and the body disposed of.. To do otherwise is to compromise yourself and any future missions.

I lay back on my bed and close my eyes... I know that the Hokage does NOT want me to kill Naruto. That leaves only two options and I will decide on those in the morning.

I allow myself to drift off .

- - - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -

Next morning

"Iruka-sensei... Did you know that your closet has a secret passage in it and that there is a uniform and mask in there??" Naruto announces to me his blue eyes bright with pride in finding a secret to tell me as he sits down to eat his breakfast.

I actually contemplate telling a bald face lie and using a memory jutsu on him.

" I know they belong to me.. I am a hunter and I am also trusting you to keep my secret. Do NOT disappoint me." As I say this I can see his eyes light up with excitement and hope.

"That is so awesome... can you teach me some really cool jutsus? ... please?" He asks as he extends his hands towards me in a pleading manner.

"Only if you promise to do what I say, and how I say then will I teach you" I tell him .

"I promise" He immediately answers me as he begins eating his breakfast.

End flash back

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

All that happened six years ago and now he is a member of cell 7 and a hunter himself. Of course, the rest of his cell has no idea and would be terrified of him if they knew he is the most respected and feared hunter of this village.

Four years ago he had been assigned the mission to protect Sasuke.

Thus he began his double life as well. During the day he is loud, clueless and rash.

During the night he is as deadly as the demon imprisoned within him and is as just as sadistic if not more so.

0000000000000000000000000000000000

As I duck behind a chimney I can feel Genma and Raidou closing in on me... I swear those two can be such a pain in the ass at times.

I transport myself home.

Sometimes I wonder what part of no they don't understand the N or the O.

Once I am inside the safety of my home I drop my bags and close all the curtains inside my home. All I want is some peace and quiet..no visitors, no 'hanging out'.

Just me, myself and I.

That is more than enough company.

Once that task is done I cast a silence barrier and begin making myself some tea. While the water is heating I take a fast shower and put on my 'comfy clothes' worn out sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt that has seen much better days.

I make my way back to the kitchen relishing the peace and quiet that I love so much. Once inside the kitchen I turn off the stove and get my cup from the dish drainer.

I reach in to the cupboard over the counter and get my oolong tea bags. I open the box and drop a bag in to my cup and pour the water in over it. As I put the box of tea bags down on the counter I hear some people at my door ...that sounds just like the two that I left a little under 15 minutes ago. Knocking on my door and telling me that they know I am home and they aren't going to leave until I talk to them.

I close my eyes and open them again shaking my head I pick up my cup of tea and walk inside the living room. I set the cup down on the coffee table. I then reach inside my bag and pull out my journal. I sit down on the couch and IGNORE them.

I get my pen from the coffee table and begin writing again.

**Those two have followed me home and REFUSE to leave until I go out and have fun with them and become their 'friend'. **

**I really do not know how to say this without hurting their feelings but here I go..I DON'T WANT TO BE THEIR FRIEND ALL I WANT IS TO BE LEFT THE HELL ALONE DAMMIT!!!**

**Yes the real me does NOT like 'hanging out' or making all nice and polite conversations. To be honest I am a loner and prefer my own company as opposed to other peoples. **

**I enjoy Narutos company from time to time but he is a lot like me.. A loner. **

**What can we say the village has made us this way. ****Shunning us constantly and going out of their ways to make us feel like bastards at a family reunion.**

** And they wonder WHY we are so seldom seen in public...Gee I wonder?**

**Even the shinobi of the village has treated us coldly. I remember all to well all the tricks and insults Anko and the others have done and said to me. They are the reason WHY I became a hunter to get the hell away from them. **

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After 45 minutes the contest of wills is going strong.

"Damn them both to hell!!" I snarl as I make a bunshin and tell it to go out with Genma and Raidou.

And under no circumstances is it to reveal ANY information on my personal life. Let them assume what ever the hell they want to.

I slip in to the bedroom as my clone puts on its sandals, disperses the barrier and opens the door glaring at the two who has made me stoop to this level just to get some peace and quiet.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Five hours later

My clone has returned to tell me that they were doing their level best to become my 'friend'.

And if that wasn't enough Saturday night I supposedly have a date with Kakashi. I arch my eyebrow and shake my head.No way in HELL will I go anywhere with him unless it is ordered by the Hokage himself.

In three days time Iruka-sensei will die and Black wolf will return.

A/N so what do you think I will be updating my other fics soon.


	2. Movie Night

1

**Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimo**

**Warning: course language**

Irukas' Journal

Chapter 2

**Today when I asked the Hokage about me going back to being a hunter I was given a firm "no". **

**He told me a little later on that he still needed me here. **

**I am so damn upset over this turn of events as I now have a date that I am unable to break with Kakashi. **

**Fine for the sake of appearances I will go on this date and...have fun.**

**Genma has not given me a moments peace since he has seen me this morning. He wants me to go out with him and Raidou again today after my work in the mission room. **

**I tell him I can't and that is the truth I have papers to grade and record and lessons to plan out for next week.**

** He tells me that they will hang out with me at MY place.**

**I can feel hysteria rise up in me. I quickly consider my options and agree to let them 'hang out' at my home. **

**Friday is one day away and I plan on going to a hot spring for the week end to recoup from all this...socializing. **

I close my journal and look out over the class room and see that many of my students have finished their exams and are waiting patiently to have their papers collected so they can go home.

"Alright time is up! Weather you are finished or not pencils down and turn in your tests. Do NOT forget that tomorrow your essays' on chakra and how it assists you in jutsus are do tomorrow no later than 8 am!."

I say as I begin taking the tests from and watch their happy faces become sad realizing that I wasn't joking about that essay.

"Hey sensei..even though I have no idea about chakra or jutsus and I haven't done my essay could I have credit any way if I brought something to your place tonight?" I hear Genma ask.

"You foolish shinobi...if you don't know how chakra assists you in jutsus then you have no business being a jounin. And no you can not have credit for not doing your assignment." I tell him just to have him wrap his arms around pretending to cry telling me how mean I am.

I feel a slight smirk tug my lips at his antics ...Genma is anything but boring.

"Please get off of me Genma I have to get the papers gathered and get ready to go to the mission room." I tell him as I attempt to get free from him,

"Ok !" He says as he releases me and tries to help me in gathering all the papers.

After I have all the papers and my grade book put away in my bag I shoo Genma out of the room before I close the door to leave.

**We begin walking to the Hokage tower when he starts talking about how he can't wait till tonight.**

**He tells me that Raidou and him have rented a couple of movies and he is really hoping that I will like them. **

**I again remind him that I have A LOT of papers to grade and record not to mention my lessons also need to be planned out as well for next week. All these things MUST be done before I can even think of relaxing to watch any movies or anything else.**

**He tells me fine that he will help me grade the papers while I do the recording and the lesson planning. **

**If I said I wasn't feeling hesitant about him grading papers I would be lying through my teeth. **

**I just give a small smile and say thank you as he gives me ANOTHER hug and tells me I am most welcome. **

**I dare say that next to Naruto Genma is by far the most affectionate person I have ever met. **

"Wow you sure do write a lot... don't you ever take a break?" Genma asks me as he hands me another pile of graded papers.

"Sometimes" I reply as I take the stack and begin recording grades again.

I have already gotten next weeks lessons planned and have recorded three piles of home work and tests already.

Thank Kami tonight is a slow night otherwise I would be doing all this at home.

I find myself actually looking forward to watching these movies that he has been going on about since the start of our shift.

I glance over at him and see his senbon twirling around like crazy as he attempts to read what the student has written.

I have noticed that he is VERY strict when it comes to spelling, grammar and punctuation.

He also does NOT tolerate them not knowing what they are talking about either ...regardless of what clan they are from.

So far I have to agree with every slash and X he has put on the papers.

Maybe he and Raidou are worth getting to know.

After another hour the night shift has arrived and lucky me... all the papers are graded , grades are all recorded and all lessons for next week have been planned.

Now it is time to go home and watch movies.

Once we get inside I turn on the lights and walk back to my bedroom and change in to a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt.

I feel cold for some reason... hope I am not catching that damn virus that is going around.

I really can't afford to get sick.

I grab a few blankest and pillows and take them in the living room and Genma gives me a strange look.

"What?" I ask as I hand Genma pillows and blankets while keeping one of each for myself.

"Nothing." Genma answers as he gets his and Raidous' place all set up.

Raidou gets the popcorn made and brings in the drinks and almost drops everything when he see's the blankest and pillows laid out.

What is the big deal of them sleeping over??

Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am actually being nice instead of being such an ass.

I just lift an eyebrow as I look back at him. "What?" I ask for the second time in under five minutes.

"Nothing." Raidou answers as he smiles at me and hand me a drink and a bowl of popcorn. Genma already has the movie in and pushes the play button while I turn out the lights and get comfy on the couch.

I noticed that they gave me strange looks as I turned out the lights. To be honest I hate the glare on the screen from the lights.

As I begin nibbling on the popcorn I become engrossed in the movie. It has to do with an assassin who lost her memories and how her skills and memories come back as she needs them.

I am on the edge of my seat as the movie ends and really can't wait to watch the second one.

I glance over and see that both Genma and Raidou have fallen asleep.

I shake my head and turn off the DVD player and TV. I walk over to my bag and get out my journal. I start make my way back to my bedroom when I hear Genma calling out for me.

"Yes Genma?" I ask as I walk back to the living room.

"Just wanted to say night to you Ruka...can we come over again tomorrow night and watch the second movie...please?" Genma whispers so he doesn't wake up Raidou.

" Good night Genma.. And yes you are both more than welcome to come back tomorrow." I tell him as I walk back to my room. Besides I really want to see that second movie anyways.

A/N The first movie they watched was The long kiss good night.

Awesome movie in my opinion.


	3. Genma the nurse

1

** Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimo**

**Warning: Shonnen Ai and course language**

**Iruka's journal 3**

**When I woke up this morning my fears were confirmed...I have the virus. I feel as though I have been used as a practice dummy for Gai and Lee. I am also running a high fever and my sinuses are so blocked that I may never breath again.**

**As soon as Raidou and Genma saw me this morning at the table. They informed me that under no circumstances am I going to be going ANYWHERE !!. **

**I am going to stay home and get well.**

**Raidou has taken over my classes and my mission room duty. I hear that he will also inform Kakashi that I am sick and will not be going out with him tomorrow night.**

**Granted I wanted out of the date but not like this. **

**Genma has already asked me why I dislike Kakashi so much and I told him why.**

**The man has no respect for me and probably the only reason he has asked me is out is because of either a dare or a bet.**

**I really used to like him and wanted to know him. He killed all that a long time ago. With all of his insults and taunts. He acts as though I couldn't find my ass with both my hands and a road map. The only reason I acknowledge his existence now is because he is a teacher for Naruto.**

**No more no less**

**And that is how I now have Genma here with me and "helping me". He keeps finding the NASTIEST tasting medicines and insists on me drinking them. I still wonder where he got them from as I do NOT keep stuff like that in my home !!**

**All the while telling me that this is for my own good. **

**No wonder Naruto used to try and run away from me...Yes karma is an evil bitch.**

**I shudder every time I hear him walking around I just know that he is a member of Ibiki's T&I squad undercover. No one can be this damn sadistic and not be.**

"Iruka... It is time for lunch and more meds" I hear Genma calling out as I take my journal and hide it under the mattress.

"coughs... I really appreciate the thought but I really am not hungry" I say as I watch him come in to my room balancing a tray full of soup, juices, and ..._medicine. _

He sets the tray down on my lap and takes the chair that he brought in here earlier and sits back and watches me.

Yep he is a member of T&I no two ways about it.

I look in to my soup and see green stuff floating in it. I look up at him and he says "Parsley...supposed to be good for you".

I cautiously take a small sip and almost choke.

He has added garlic and other herbs that I don't recognize.

He is trying to kill me !!

I look over and see that he is watching me closely... I see that he is actually trying to do his best to help me get well but...I just don't have the heart to tell him to go away and leave me alone.

At the moment he reminds me of Naruto ... trying so hard to please me and help me.

I lie through my teeth " The soup is wonderful... thank you" I pick up the bowl and do my best to gulp down the scalding hot liquid. Just to be done with it.

I know that I have burnt the flesh off in my throat. But really that soup was...NASTY!!

I grab the juice and gulp it down... feel so good going down .

I look over and see Genma reaching over for the medicines and begins pouring out the right dosage.

"Rai called and told me that Kakashi and Naruto both said that they would be over later today... If I was you I would definitely tell Kakashi the truth about your feelings. No need in leading him on...who knows he may surprise you." Genma finished as he hands me that evil green liquid.

"Coughs... maybe ...I hate this shit! where the hell did all this stuff come from any way ??" I demand as I gulp down the stuff and choke as I try to down more juice to kill the after taste.

"Hayate" Genma says as he takes the tray away and watches me lay back down.

A/N I will post more later.

The evil green liquid is Nyquil evil nasty tasting stuff...though no where near as nasty as the dayquil YUCK!!!


	4. Protecting Iruka

1

** Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimo**

**Warning: Shonnen Ai and course language**

Iruka's Journal 4

**Shortly after Genma left the room I felt my head begin to nod. I laid back and must have fallen asleep; Because the next thing I knew Kakashi was placing a cool cloth across my forehead.**

**I jumped a little and demanded to know what the hell he thought he was doing. He told me that my fever was up again and it was to soon for any medicine so he was trying to get it lowered. **

**When I asked why he cared so much he actually widened his one eye in shock that I would ask such a question. **

**That was when I let him have it...**

" **You have no respect for me and you treat me as though I were a damn child. Never mind the fact that I teach children on how to become shinobi. Not only that... but I am positive the only reason you asked me out was because it was either you have been dared or you have a bet with someone. So tell me Hatake-san...which is it a dare or a bet?"**

**The look in his eye was priceless. Total shock and...hurt. I felt a twinge of pain in my chest...I hate this being sick it makes me weak against emotions that I am normally able to bury. **

**His response literally shook me to my core and has me wondering what the hell he is now plotting.**

"**I am sorry that I have treated you that way. You are far from being a child. The reason I asked you out wasn't for a bet or a dare..I ...want to know you better. I know see that I have a lot to make up for and I will." After he said those words he turned and walked out telling Genma that cell 7 will be here tomorrow to help out. **

**I shudder in fear of what Kakashi and Genma will be doing to "help" me. I can hear Naruto doing something in the kitchen...hope to Kami he is the one making my dinner and not Genma again. **

**Oh no...Kakashi may try cooking for me! That thought makes me whimper in fear. If push comes to shove I will simply run away to Naruto's house. I doubt that they will even think of looking for me there.**

**Really I will not be able to survive two jounins with no cooking skills what so ever.**

**I now know that Raidou has to love Genma unconditionally...cause the man can't cook. Today has shown me this Genma can make great coffee but that is the extent of his culinary skills. **

**I can hear Kakashi asking Naruto about what he is making and I hear Raidou and Genma telling him how good it is. **

**This makes me smile knowing that Naruto will be bringing me back something good to eat. **

I feel my eyes grow heavy and I once again put my journal away. I lay back close my eyes and listen to the sounds of all these people in my home.

A while later I am awakened to Genma scooping me up and placing me in the chair.

"Ruka come on stay awake... here in a minute one of us will give a shower." He looks at me with such concern in his eyes all I can do is nod.

I can't help but wonder who all is still here. I really don't mind Genma, Raidou or Naruto bathing me ...but if Kakashi comes near me I will...do something..damn I hate being sick I can't even defend myself from him !

Suddenly my fears come to life as Kakashi swoops me and carries me off to the bathroom with me squawking and tapping his shoulders.

"Damn you !! Put me down...now!" I try to snarl in between coughs and gasps.

" Maaa Iruka-san you need a fast shower and I promise I will NOT molest you." Kakashi tells me as he begins stripping me.

I shudder as the cold air hits me and makes my teeth start chattering.

"Here" Kakashi says as he wraps a warm bath towel around me and starts the water.

I can't help but shudder from the spasms as they wrack my body.

I hate being sick.

He gently picks me up again and places me inside the shower sitting me down on a stool and takes the towel from my shoulders as he gently begins getting me wet.

I whimper as the water touches me.

My entire body hurts even my hair. I try to tell Kakashi this but I can't get anything out except for whimpers and pained moans.

" I know you hurt...It's the fever that is making you hurt. I am being as gentle as I can but you really need to get your fever down and washed up." He murmurs softly to me.

I feel him gently washing me...funny thing is that he isn't touching me in an indecent manner. I let go and let him do what needs to be done.

After I am clean enough to his satisfaction I am once again picked up and set back down on the toilet. Kakashi dries me off as gently as he can and lets me dry my ...private area off and helps me put on the clothes Genma has set out for me.

He carries me back to my bed and I find Genma sitting in his chair watching us closely. After He puts in my bed Genma places a tray over my lap.

Miso soup and steamed rice with water, orange juice and green tea. And those nasty ass medicines.

"I changed your sheets and blankets." Genma says as he sits back and watches me again.

I feel my head shoot up as I reach for my journal.

" I left your book where I found it and no I didn't read it either." He quickly assures me.

"Thank you..." I say as I begin drinking my soup. Yep Naruto made this.

As I finish my meal Genma once again measures out the proper dosage for me and I can feel Kakashi watching him closely.

I really do not understand why he has a sudden interest in me.

"Genma... I can stay the night and watch over him so you can go home and get some rest." I hear Kakashi say.

"We will discuss this in another room." Genma replies in a quiet voice watching me closely to make sure I am a good Iruka and have taken my medicine.

I once again lay back and hear them walk in to the kitchen. I make a fast hand seal so I can hear all that is being said in the other room.

"Kakashi... the answer is no. I will not leave you alone here with him. My reason is this... I have busted my ass to get where I am with him and so has Rai. We have been trying to be his friends for almost six years and no way am I just going to sit back and let you do what ever the hell it is you have planned. All that will be is a betrayal of his trust and I will NOT do it. You want to stay the night fine... But I am staying here until that man is healthy so you can just fuckin deal with it !" I heard Genma snarl.

"Fine but know this... Iruka is mine and yes I will be staying here...with you" Kakashi hissed.

I dispelled the jutsu and felt my head begin swimming.

Genma and Raidou have been trying to be my friend for six years...I can remember when it all began.

But me being Kakashis? Nope do not recall that one ever happening. If it had of I am positive that I would have it written in one of my many journals.

I can feel myself getting fidgety so I move around a bit to get comfortable rolling over one time to many and fall out of bed yelping on the way down.

Next thing I know I have Kakashi and Genma in the room with me .

Kakashi scoops me off the floor and gently puts me back in my bed. Genma is asking me if I am alright I just nod 'yes' and try to get comfy again this time without falling out of my bed.

Kakashi begins to gently run his hand through my hair and I find myself leaning in to his touch.

Damn these meds for making me enjoy his touch.

I drift off to sleep and dream of him wanting me like I had once wanted him all those years ago.


	5. Death and rebirth

**Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimo**

Warning: Coarse language and Shonen Ai hints

Irukas journal 5

**I woke up a few hours later coughing and next thing I knew I had BOTH Genma and Kakshi in the room with me.**

**Kakashi sitting next to me and gently patting me on the back and Genma holding a glass of water. **

**When I finally was able to get my breath Genma had me sip the water while he got me some cough medicine. **

**Kaksahi just kept gently rubbing my back and telling me that I would be alright and that he wasn't going to leave me. **

**I am aware he meant that as a comfort not a threat. **

**I had this sudden urge to laugh.**

**As I really did not want to fall back in to the trap that I had once been in... A one sided love affair... I am almost positive that once I am well he will be back to his old self of insulting me. **

**Genma has given me another dose of the green stuff and promised to stay in here with me if I wanted. **

**I told him that no I was fine and for him and Kakashi to go back to bed. **

**I have spent almost a week in the bed. **

**I finally demanded to stay doped up so that way I could sleep through the damn virus and hopefully get well faster. **

**My plan worked beautifully as I FINALLY have enough strength to get up and do things for myself. Such as bathe my own self.**

**I can tell Naruto is getting beyond infuriated with Kakashi hovering around me like a moth to a flame. **

**I am finally getting to where I can once again bury my feeling and longings for this man. **

**I do NOT want to cry any more because of him. **

**I loved him so much and all he did was insult me and mock me. **

**There was NOTHING I wouldn't have done for him. All he had to do was ask. **

**And one day he did... He asked me to leave him the hell alone and to stay away from him. **

**I did... That was over 11 years ago. I became a hunter and did just as he asked... I left him alone. **

**Now after six years of coming back and avoiding him he wants me to see him as a potential dating material. **

**Sorry but I am not one to forgive and forget or over look because you forgot what you asked for oh so many years ago. **

**Regardless of what my cover life may believe in. **

**I am a hardened hunter and have little to no use for friends and or romance. **

**This cover life is getting to be a liability not just for me but also for Naruto.**

**People keep wanting to get close to us and be our friends. **

**If they had any idea as to what and who we are they would run in fear and renounce even knowing us. **

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_**Time skip two weeks**_

**I am well once again and am able to work and other fun stuff. **

**Naruto and I have been making plans to go a hot spring since we got back from a S-rank mission three days ago. **

**That mission was a god send... to get some distance between myself and Kakashi as well as let me decide what to do next.**

**Killing the six missing nins was just an added bonus in my opinion; People that foul have no right to live.**

**Naruto and I had just gotten back and cleaned up when it was time for us to return to our 'daily lives'. Him to training and D-ranks and me to the class room and mission room duty. **

"Tell me Ruka-kun where were you for the last three days?" Kakashi asks me as he hands me his report.

" I had a mission." I reply as I scan over his report and nod slightly.

" By the way Kakashi-sensei my name is IRUKA not Ruka . Please try to remember that." I tell him.

" I thought that I would give you a nick name" He answers smiling at me.

I can feel my anger begin to boil then Sandaime walks in and calls me to his office; Before I can even come up with a scathing reply as to what I think of Kakashis' 'Nick names'

I walk in to the Hokages office and see Naruto sitting there in a chair with a grave expression on his face.

I take the seat next to Naruto and when I hear what Sandaime has to say I understand the graveness of the situation.

Tonight Uzumaki Naruto and Umino Iruka are to die... So that way Black wolf and Ghost fox can return to full time duty.

**I am now sitting i next to Naruto on the monument ****for zero hour that will be when my apartment blows up along with Narutos. No one will be in the area due to a 'speech' that Sandaime will be giving.**

**5...4...3...2...1 BOOOOOOOM!!!**

**It echos all over Konoha.**

**We see many of the people that claimed us as friends ran to our building and began making clones and digging through the rubble only to see that there was nothing left...not even a scrap of paper. **

I feel a slight pain in my chest when I realize that the two that would suffer most would be Genma and Raidou. Of all the people that I let in my life those two effected me the most.

A/N I will do my best to update later


	6. Welcome back

**Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimo**

**Warning: course language**

Iruka's journal 6

**It has been six months since we have once again became full time hunters. **

**Naruto mourns losing the freedom of going to the ramen stand; I also miss it but not enough to go back**.

**However, I do miss some things such as the academy, the mission room with all the good gossip. **

**I also miss Genma and Raidou and their attempts at making me become a sociable person. **

**I never thought that I would but... I do.**

**Life has become constant missions with no down time at all...I sometimes wonder what they would do if Naruto and I were to die. **

**More than likely find someone else to replace us and keep going. **

**After all we are nothing more than tools and are easily replaced. **

**That is the only constant in a shinobi's life . **

**Knowing that when you die someone new and better will take your place.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Time elapse two weeks**

**Hokage-sama has summoned us once again. **

**It seems as though Uchiha Sasuke has become more and more driven for power. **

**Sandaime fears the lengths that he will go to in order to get what he wants. **

**Sandaime also believes that if Naruto and I come back maybe we will be able to convince him that WE can help him to become stronger.**

**I dare say I agree with Naruto on this...if Sasuke finds out that Naruto is more powerful than him; It just may drive him to doing something even more stupid. **

**Not only that but Sasuke looks for instant results and everyone knows that is just not possible when being a shinobi.**

** One must train constantly and diligently to get the results that one wants. **

**Sandaime has ordered us to go on a ...extended camping trip and he will have team 7 'find us' . **

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Four hours later

" Iruka... this is going to be nothing short of a goddamned NIGHTMARE !!! Not only that but I so do NOT want to train the high and mighty bastard!! Besides that you know as well as I do what they will do when they 'find' us here..."

I flinch slightly as he once again goes on a tirade of how they are going to be accusing us of being imposters and then the ...affection once they realize we are us.

"Mou... Naru you know as well as I do it is our sworn duty to follow the orders the Hokage gives us no matter what. We HAVE to make Uchiha Sasuke realize that we can train him to become stronger and better than Itachi." I am ready to choke on my own words knowing they are a damned lie.

I look over at Naruto and see the disdain on his face.

" He is nothing more than a goddamned spoiled little fucking brat that has a had a silver spoon in his mouth from day one. All that he has ever wanted has been handed to him on a silver platter all because of his name... Uchiha. He has never had to work for anything a day in his life. So, please excuse the hell out of me if I have no sympathy for the little cock sucker!! ." He snarls in return.

" Please be honest and tell me EXACTLY how you feel about him" I say while laughing.

"Tch, We will have to save this conversation for later as I can feel them headed this way." He gives a really sad sigh and stretches as cell 7 comes in to view.

We can hear them as soon as they see us.

**I was in shock as Sasuke punched Naruto then began hugging him and telling him that he WILL be living with him and not to worry he will buy Naruto all that he needs. **

**Sakura was screaming at the both of us and I was glomped by Kakashi and told the same thing that Sasuke told Naruto. **

**I just smile and say thank you for the offer as does Naruto and we give each other a meaningful look. **

**Sandaime is going to PAY for this !!!**

**We get back to Konoha and I let Kakashi take me to his apartment. I am in shock at how...sterile the place is. **

**I bet everyday he wages war against germs and bacteria and wins with a lemony fresh victory.**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**One month time lapse**

**I swear this ...creepy. **

**I really need to get my own place that has dust cows under the bed and where dust bunnies can breed happily. **

**Not that I live in filth but... no one can be this clean. **

**Naruto told me that Sasuke has him sleeping in the room next to him and hasn't let him out of his sight for a second. **

**Which I suppose Sandaime suspending our hunter life has been a good thing. As neither Kakashi or Sasuke give Naruto or I chance to be alone for a moment. I daresay that we find this...ANNOYING!!!**

**Naruto has begun helping Sasuke train and has made some progress in the reality check. **

**As for me I have begun hanging out more with Genma and Raidou. For the sake of this mission I have begun 'dating' Kakashi. **

**May Kami have mercy on me. **

A/N: Sorry this is so short but I promise I will add more later.


	7. Good bye again

**Kakashi and I have been dating for almost two months now. He wants kisses and hugs every time I turn around. **

**Who had any idea the Copy-Nin the most feared shinobi through out Fire Country was so ...cuddly ?**

**Naruto has finally moved out from under Sasukes' nose and has gotten his own place. **

**He has also started taking missions again. **

**When I found out that Sandaime has him on solo missions only. I went to him and demanded to know why. All that Sandaime would say was for me not to worry and that the missions are well within Narutos' capabilities. **

**He then sent me out with a stern look and told me to comeplete my mission. **

**Keep Sasuke in Konoha.**

**I wanted to kill them both...Sandaime for sending Naruto out alone and Sasuke for being so goddamned power hungry.**

**On a happier note Genma and Raidou will be getting married in a month. **

**They made the announcement at the bar last week. Drinks were on the house as it suddenly became a huge party. Everyone had fun that night...even me. **

**I have noticed that since their announcement Kakashi has been giving me many funny looks and has become clingier. **

**I am hoping he is not wanting what I think he wants..becasue there is just no way I can give him that. **

**I am a weapon...a tool to be used. I am a shinobi. **

**Not a human.**

** I haven't been human in years.**

** I just go through the motions. **

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_I close my journal and place it my bag. I give Kakshi a soft kiss on the lips. I smile faintly as he murmurs his love for me in his sleep. _

_With one last look I go out the window and join Naruto on our firt mission togther in over a month. _

_Just hope we come home from this alive...Itachi is a formidable foe_

_A/N: Sorry all have had writers block and my life has been crazy. Hope you all enjoy and this will be updated soon_

_Anyways please R&R pocky, cookies and plushies for all that do _


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